CmcD's recent talks with corporate heads of industry in regards to the sale and/or franchising of the 1 Tuff Place name did not sit too well with the remaining inactive members of The Soapbox. They all went their separate ways, some more amicably than others. The following tale (Part I in a III part series) recounts CmcD's rekindling of the flame, finding these lost men and getting them back to the 1 Tuff Compound. Today's tale regards the search for the Sports Dude. We're back...
Ouch! If you look closely you'll notice some 1 Tuff regulars in the crowd.
Squeezed out of Wyles Mallo and CmcD's creative udders last summer, work has finally been completed on the Flava Tribe's final offering, The Session. The nine month pasteurization process can be attributed to CmcD's worsening addictions to procrastination and failure. This final morsel is chock full of inane references, flavacious banter, and ultimately, it's just good to hear ol' Wyles letting his chain swang. Enjoy it and please remember to refrigerate upon downloading.
Oh, and by the way, someone has clandestinely begun a b**g on this very site. We'll see...
1 Tuff is toning up for bikini season. Two hours of intense lifting style...
Ben Gets Punched gets pondering...
Happy BBB Mallo...
CmcD gets his big break In the News on Good Day New York. He finds himself sandwiched between a crazy dog lady and the star of You Got Served...only on FOX!
"Remember when Joe Louis fought Max Schmeling?"
The hiatus is coming to an end folks. Read up on Iss' Mundane Run-In with the Law in the Soapbox and get your 1 Tuff jones on. We here at the Place have received loads of flack and sass from our devoted readership: "Where's the beef?" "When are the updates coming?" "Is it true about Sports Dude and his Scout Master?" Well, we're back in the swing of things and here to answer every question posed. The beef's back, the updates are gaining steam, and it's true...every last dirty detail. Enjoy, stay tuned and y'all come on back soon...
If you weren't already privy to the fact that CmcD had fled the East Coast in search of madness consider this a warning. CmcD has returned from what can only be described as (the nonfiction) 1 Tuff Road Trip. Expect endless pontificating and self-deprecation in the coming days and weeks. A preview: car robberies, frozen hairless arms, and a midair heart attack. Oh, and Vegas swankiness.
A 1 Tuff Place Christmas Card - Have a happy holiday filled with family, friends and the occasional blessings from crippled young boys...
Ever aware of 1 Tuff’s place in the world, or lack thereof, I can often be found perusing the halls of university libraries nationwide in my quest for knowledge of all things tuff. With that in mind, may i recount to you the tale of 1 Tuff Place and Google, a pairing rooted in neglect and jealousy. As recently as a few months ago, a google of 1 Tuff Place would result in listings of Flava Flav, Tuffy toilets, a virtual potpourri of bullshit. With the advent of Off the Path and 1 Tuff version 4.0 we have begun to ascend the ranks, today placing fifth in the 1 Tuff Place results. Who or what could be more 1 Tuff Place than 1 Tuff Place? A worthy question…lets take a look.
4. TUFF-BILT Arbors – Sounds tuff, right? Wrong. This site has assembly instructions for some sort of garden latticework edifice. No centaurs, Schwimmers, or Sports Duds. Bush league.
3. Texas Ultimate Frisbee Sectionals – Though 1 Tuff regards “ultimate” as a poor man’s game, we dilettantes can still identify more with pseudo hippy sports than garden accessories. The Texas TUFF team placed second in the tourney, losing to A&M. Effing Aggies. But look at TUFF team’s jerseys. Might need to get some.
2 & 1. Heat Relief Depot – The number one and two results seem to be some sort of white trash head outfitter…appropriately. Tuff Nougies™ brand doo-rags (of course you can find an American flag rag on prominent display). Next time I’m in Daytona for Bike Week at the Boot Hill Saloon, I’ll make sure to wear my Tuff Nougies™.
Although this incident occurred towards the end of the summer, it's still worth checking out...if only for the title: Nude Student Gets Tazed and Tackled. A buddy at San Diego State brought this to my attention. Ride on Moya!
CmcD attempts to spread holiday cheer! Bring your tissues.
Welcome friends, enemies, and drunken extended family, to the rebirth. 1 Tuff Place is finally emerging from a difficult string of months marred by tragedy, inactivity, and unhealthy doses of nihilism. With this fourth go round, us veterans at 1 Tuff are starting to feel a tad bit dirty and used, what with so many unannounced visits and the voyeuristic tendencies of our core readership. But we're back at it nonetheless. Expect prompt updates, unrehearsed celebrity guest appearances, and a buttload of undigestable content. Your conscience will be tested, your bladder strained, and your morals irrevocably sullied. Much like a day in church...minus the boy petting and inexplicable Dubya support.*
If you haven't already, please check out 1 Tuff's first original "webisode," The Sports Dude's 21st Birthday Blackout. It's cheap, sophomoric, and without a redeeming quality...in other words, ideal for 1 Tuff Place. We plan on bringing further original video content to 1 Tuff, so bear with us while we negotiate the necessary contracts and parental permission slips.
Other alterations to the site have been more of an organizational matter. The In Pictures section has been added in an attempt to mimic LIFE Magazine and provide the greater 1 Tuff populace with a storehouse for all of their favorite photoshopped and otherwise ridiculous images. The Miscellany section is a hodgepodge of hyperbole and wasted potential; actual photos, random past projects, and a few bodies buried beneath the floorboards. Those of you looking for your quick fix of Flava Tribe and Innkeeper’s Daughter know where to look…and I know I shouldn’t be mentioning this, but there is one last FT track (featuring Wyles Mallo’s final unforgettable verses) in the works. Stay tuned!
As always, we encourage everyone’s participation in the Message Board, both in continuing the remembrance of our fallen Mallo and truly making this an interactive experience (as opposed to just a collection of literary masturbation). If there are pressing issues at hand (wardrobe questions for the Sports Dude, self defense tips for Ben Gets Punched), feel free to contact us directly. For our under-experienced visitors, the Site Map is here to hold your hand and guide you through the muck, the shit, the filth.
You get the point. I hope 1 Tuff’s new look serves more than just a cosmetic purpose and that you can derive some fraction of enjoyment out of the site. Other than that, I’d like to leave you with a few words from the man upstairs.
“At 1 Tuff Place we don’t fuck with haste…the reason for our flava is our slow cooked taste.”
Eat until your belly full.
* - so as to remain nonpartisan...much like a day in the mosque, minus the dynamite vests OR much like a day in temple, minus the coupon clipping. And to any other religions, you're just silly.