I Thought They Were Already Handed the Trophy?

So Ray Charles died last week...bet he didn’t see that one coming! Now that’s what I call a hot opener. Welcome all to the latest column of El Dudo de Deportes...that’s the Sports Dude for those of you whose only Spanish speaking experience is ordering the cinnamon twists at your local Taco Bell. 

The end of the NBA Finals is upon us and I am flabbergasted that the Lakers laid down easier than a freshman girl after a rufi-colata at her first frat party. With the exception of Game 2 I felt as if I was watching the Pooh Richardson-era LA Clippers throwing bricks and making careless turnovers rather than a team featuring four hall of famers. Granted, Karl Malone was playing injured, but even when decently healthy he moved as gracefully as Maggie Malone while she was pregnant with Chrissy.

And while I continue on my hot roll of metaphors and similes, can I ask a quick question? Who replaced Gary Payton with Howard Eisley?! The Payton debacle is the worst coaching Jackson has ever done. Yes, the triangle offense is in place, and yes Payton had knowledge of how this offense worked, but how do you not call a few plays for him during the game? Set a few picks for him? Just let him get into the flow of the offense so he could establish some rapport and confidence with a new team? Instead Jackson did not gameplan for Payton and an uncomfortable Payton was never really on the same page as Kobe and Shaq, and because of this was removed for Derek Fisher in the fourth quarter.

Sure Fisher hit one of the most clutch shots in the history of the playoffs (could he be the anti-Charles Smith and if Charles Smith was the anti-Christ, would that make Fisher our lord and savior?), but Fisher is an average point guard at best. You don’t give big time fourth quarter minutes to him during the season over one of the greatest point guards of all time because you’ll lose that great PG mentally, and that is just what happened. So when Malone went down in the Finals and you needed a third scorer to come in and step up, Payton was nowhere to be seen. Rather displaying the confident offensive game and the Kobe-on-a-teenage-white-chick-type defense that warranted him the nickname "Glove," you get a passive player getting beaten by every PG he’s matched up with in the playoffs other than a gimped Sam Cassell.  

Credit must be given to Detroit of course. Detroit outplayed them in all 5 games and were an unreal Kobe shot away from the shut out. Maybe I shouldn’t have performed my all-time classic jinx move of running around the house with a broom chanting SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP! SWEEP! The Pistons played total shut down D, denying passing lanes, stepping up to stop the drive, and importantly never double teaming Shaq so as to prevent the kick-out three. Great game planning by Larry Brown, who coached smoke signals around Big Chief Triangle. Ben Wallace was all over every loose ball. And while watching Chauncey Billups play lights out Rick Pitino must’ve been throwing liquor bottles at the TV yelling, "If he played like this when I drafted him, I’d still be coaching the Celtics!"

So the Lakers have lost. Is this good or bad for the NBA? My buddy Triola and I had a discussion about this late on Sunday night. Basically, it could be good for the league in that it shows that every team has a chance, making the Finals Must-See-TV (NBC’s lawyers will be knocking on my door after that one). When was the last time going into the Finals that the outcome was in doubt? Prob a decade ago when the Rockets and Knicks squared off. So maybe this adds a little intrigue to a series which had become predictable, stale, and generally not competitive.  

On the other side of the deutchmark, the NBA is a copycat league. Detroit winning could lead other GM’s to build defense oriented teams thus ushering in a Dark Ages of 79-75 all Knicks-Heat all the time slug it out basketball. Teams like the Mavs and Kings already in danger of being dismantled may be entirely overhauled, replaced by a bunch of Bruce Bowen’s. Now it’s true that defense wins championships, but offense brings ratings and excitement which then bring higher ratings.  

Then again, maybe there will be no real effect either way. After all, the league has put all its eggs into the two proverbial baskets named Lebron and Carmelo. Maybe those will be the guys to spike sagging ratings and reinvigorate a nation of kids to stop playing fake sports like skateboarding, snowboarding, wakeboarding, and soccer, instead picking up the roundball and taking it to the hoop like their names ain’t Allan Houston.  

Notes and Quotes:

Speaking of Carmelo, I guess the Pistons didn’t need him after all. And it’s so much fun to watch Donnie Darko run around the court in garbage time in his bleached blonde mushroom cut shooting balls off the side of the backboard. And did you see the tape on his earlobes to cover up his earrings. Is this 7 th grade gym class? I hope Darko fizzles so he can be the NBA’s great running joke, a title once owned by such classic stiffs as Yinka Dare and Shawn Bradley. 

Well, Phil Jackson may be out of LA, and Larry Brown is known to leave teams after he has taken them to the top, so that leaves both coaches somewhat available and undoubtedly interested in coaching my Knicks.  

Depending on Darko’s development, Larry Brown’s status, and whether or not they can resign the PA announcer to a lucrative contract, the Pistons could be poised for a nice run at the top. Especially with a weak East. 

The Nets look a lot better by pushing the Pistons to 7.  

And finally....the Olsen twins turned 18 a few days ago...now they’re too old for me.    

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