A Sight for Sore Eyes

(The Pink Taco That Made My Day)

There is something to be said about natural comedy. Those shining moments when God looks down and says “you deserve this. You work hard, had a tough breakup, a tragic deformity,” whatever. For no apparent reason, and to the credit of just being in the right place at the right time, you catch a glimpse of something so funny that tears in your eyes start to form, you can’t catch your breath, and if this occurrence happened to be in the 5 th grade cafeteria, your nose becomes a milk shotgun.

Now for the most part, the humor of our peers takes on a few very specific genres: you have your “self-deprecating humor” (a la me). You have your “insult other people in a witty, yet obvious way, so others can relate and gang up on the person” (people hanging out with me). And you have your TV and movie quotes, “…and Dude, Chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature here” “Todd! I specifically said I did not want a foamy vanilla latte, they make me farty and bloated.” “CHARLIE MURPHY!” See, you’re grinning right now just by reading those lines, aren’t you...Now, you’re taken aback by the fact that I called you out on the grinning...now, you’re grinning again from the taken aback comment. This is too easy – it’s like shooting fish in a barrel.

With all that said, natural comedy is by far the best. It’s that little voice in your head saying, "put down that butcher knife, look around, there's so much to make fun of."

Maybe you're wondering how this came up. Well, it all started on Easter. I had seen on the news earlier in the day that record amounts of people were expected to see The Passion of the Christ. Entire extended families and church congregations were planning on mixing Jim Caviezel's performance as J.C. into their day of egg hunting and lamb eating. I wanted to take part, to be involved in the magic that is organized religion. So, being the good Jew that I am, I went and saw Hellboy. Call me Judas I guess.

The movie was forgettable. Not because of the mind-altered state I ritualistically place myself in before most films, but because it was much better when it was called X-Men. But what happened after the movie was anything but forgettable. As we pulled out of the movie theater, I saw something in the corner of my eye running on the street beside us. Luckily, we had to wait for a minute at a stop sign, so I had a full six or seven seconds to stare at the living punch line that was on the sidewalk to my right.

There in front of me was a 200 pound Asian woman, wearing those huge, trendy, Gucci black sunglasses, a tight hot pink t-shirt, and black spandex shorts. Running along side her was her tiny little dog on a leash. I don’t remember exactly what kind of dog it was, but let’s say for comedy’s sake it was one of those Paris Hilton Chihuahuas. Can you picture this? Fat Asian girl wearing tight pink and spandex with monstrous glasses running with small dog as her fat rhythmically jiggles with each awkward step, as she unsuccessfully tries to look self-important? It took me a few moments to actually register what I was seeing. As we rounded the corner and it all began to sink in, the sounds emanating from me ran the gamut from snicker to chortle to belly-laugh to guffaw (and yes, I just hit Shift+F7 to get those synonyms, fucker).

Understand that each component in itself probably wouldn't do much for me. But the outfit, the dog, the blatant disregard for self-respect, the fact that she was Asian... it all added up to comic genius.

Oh, also, before anyone gets very mad - let me take a moment to explain that I am not a racist, a sexist, or anything ending in "ist" really. Take it from anyone who knows me, I particularly enjoy the Asian culture. I love sushi, and karaoke, and sideways vaginas. Now, although I am not prejudiced, I do fully enjoy discriminating. There is nothing funnier than stereotyping someone without knowing them, and making gross generalizations. Because, lets face it, those generalizations are usually true, which is why they're funny.

So with that said, I will continue to make fun and discriminate without discrimination. All races, genders and creeds will feel my comic wrath - Jews most of all, because I am one and feel I have the most license in that area. But getting back to my fat pink Asian friend: keep on trucking Yoko. You bring a smile to my face every time I'm feeling low.

To email the man known simply as Isserlis click here or respond to his crimefighting tendencies at the 1 Tuff Message Board.